Doreen’s Top Twenty All Time Copy Remarks: For all Kamikaze Copywriters, taking my course or not. If I don’t write these on your copy homework, learn where to write them on your own!

I want you to understand something.  Just because I write something on your paper that appears below doesn’t mean I’m singling you out.  More than likely, I wrote the exact same thing on twenty papers the same week I wrote it on yours.

 

Now about what appears below.  Writing copy – like writing anything else – is an exacting dance between saying what you (client/product) need to say and how the Prospect (reader) will best take in the information.  Optimally, how the Prospect will take it in so it is impossible for him/her to forget.

 

It doesn’t matter what I put here, the b.s. meter seems to have run out no matter what medium you use – “New” media (now 20+ years old, w/apps gone mainstream and I had a student point out to me she wasn’t even born when whatever reference I was trying to give her not even mobile’s very “new” anymore) or Traditional.  People do not volunteer to read ads.  Fell flatter than insert cliché! Here.  Even if it’s for a product they have or see an upcoming need for.

  

The current fashion is student writers as problem solvers skilled in concepting and producing web, video, social, even print, radio, TV, collateral, direct, promotions, product sheets.  They seem to forget Copywriter ends in “writer.”  At least during the hiring process.  They don’t look for student writers who can – dare I dream it – actually write.  They’ll let you learn on the job – maybe with a mentor, maybe not.  But that’s an entirely different blog entry. 

This one is to tell you the only way to learn to write is to write.  The only way to learn to edit is to edit.  The only way to be proud of your work is to become adept at both.  The time to do it is now.  Before you’re lost on the job.  Before your boss catches on you didn’t do all the edits you needed.  Before someone says “great idea, too bad do all the edits you needed.  Before someone says “great idea, too bad you can’t write.”

Here’s where all this style stuff I’ve been torturing you over comes in.  If you cannot analyze and dissect recurring patterns in language, pick up its syncopation, slang, fashion and position in the hearts and minds of your current client’s current prospect, at best you’ll be like those Will Farrell beer commercials.  Funny.  Wildly smart funny.  But ultimately done for himself, not for the prospect he mostly makes fun of.  Doesn’t sell beer, but Will’s having lots of fun practicing the art of Creative Masturbation.

Style is also an old reliable trick to dress up a less than Kamikaze concept. 

Style can also turn a really great ad into something living long after its original intent.

Learning to write in styles will help you learn what you do and don’t want in your more personally conceptual work.   Allow you to experiment.  Fill your book with campaigns so diverse, you’d never guess the same writer wrote them all.  Except for one thing:  they will all have a certain personal creative point of view, a certain way of playing with punctuation, a penchant for getting to the heart of a prospect with a very few well-chosen words.   Something from you they can’t get from anyone else.

So listen up, see (James Cagney – or was it Edward G. Robinson?  Film Noir).  Here are some highlights gleaned from student body copy homework.  Very few of these things deal with style.  All of them deal with writing better, representing  the types of errors, omissions  confusions and misconceptions we writers very often never see in our own work (even if we’re comparing them word-for-word against the Kamikaze Copy Sins.)   They’re in no particular order.  Read them over, then read over your own copy.  Consider them your own Doreen-in-a-list of things to ask yourself before I even see the copy.

These read a bit thin – you try to make your joke, mention [the product] & be done – but there’s a disconnect, believe they may need a transitional line between the two.

Close!  Good shot!   Needs appetite appeal     Off strategy.     Better more visual (word)

Big energy dip – last sent should be strong, memorable.  If possible, pithy.     Cliché!

You need to better familiarize yourself w/Advertising Objectives and their terminology

Much better!     This is product’s problem, not the prospect’s!

This structure is so poor I had to read it three times to figure out what you’re trying to say.  Still not sure.

Who R these people (prospects), inside?  What emotional/threads run through them all u can use to hang KKF/concept on?

Never start a head line w/”Being _____,” ask I’ll give you a gazillion reasons!    Lighten up!  Tone change!

Prospect benefit, not a Creative Objective

Don’t worry so much about getting it out – make it visual, interesting – make me want to read more!

You’re talking down to prospect    Where did this come from?   Try changing order

Nice – but tone a bit elevated 4 prospect…sounds like trial by fire – make it appealing

This is tourism – should be visual, put me in picture!    Stop writing ads and just start writing!

Too Addy    Inaccurate benefit   Logic of meaning problem   Redundant.  See it?

Is there a better way to say this? Maybe structural to deliver more irony?    Good! Make it active and memorable    Need stronger close     Simplify    

TRANSLATE THE THOUGHT      Y bring this [idea] in at all?      You’re talking down to prospect

Nice – but tone a bit elevated for prospect      Don’t repeat words too closely    Play with it!

Use structure to say expected things in unexpected ways.      Don’t be so heavy-handed

Get into inner landscape of what diverse new [prospects] have in common, not just {subject].  May find a gem in there, never know

These are internal (KCWP), to help us concept – bullet points, lists, simplify 4 yourself so you can always find what you need.  Also 4 clarity – densely structured lines are usually difficult to understand.  Be simple – be good to yourself!

What inner stuff – thoughts, emotions, common experiences – do they share?  That’s where the key to motivation is.

Competitive info must compare these co’s and their promise/features/bennies w/ [product] – can reveal neat little copy points, inspire new uses 4 existing products, new markets, 2!

Not working.  Tricky.    This is not true.  Don’t make blanket claims like this unless you can back them up

Never start a line w/”just like…”poor structure!     Good work!    Clarify benefit    Punch up

Competition is Real & Perceived – real maybe other products/companies.  Perceived is…anything that helps your [prospect] [do the same thing/respond as you wish]

Don’t just describe prospect, go inside.  That’s where the KKFs you can use 2 motivate R.  Drill baby drill!

How to write headlines:

1.       Write a line as simply as possible, what you want to say

2.      Translate the thought (not words) based upon prospect knowledge and promise

Would like to know more about product   Try to get into their heads/hearts

Great!  Except where’s the [product] except in lst para?  It needs to be integrated into story

Perfect! Good! Done!   Simplify.  Get real.   Translate the thought!    Tone change.  More visual.   

Clarify some references or rework not to confuse   Inject a little product    Very skimpy work plan    Great!   

What do they have in their lives in common, connecting them, exposing motivation keys?

Love it.    Check your product knowledge!    Better word   Insert product    Energy drops, should increase!

Copy Sins!  Order- simplify, have fun, don’t B so heavy handed – you can nail this one!

You have nothing here (KCWP) to indicate the style you chose will resonate w/your prospect

(KKF) Product focused, not prospect focused   Change Order.     (KKF) Too close to products

Do you really mean to use this word?    Need strong close.  Nice V.1 – keep trying, digging 4 words

Tone change.    Copy Sin    Break up.    Simplify    Poor word choice    Structure.  Translate the thought.   Not needed

Where’s the close?  Should be memorable, high energy, instead it winds down to nothing

Would you rather do something “like” surf, or would you rather surf?    Change order

Simplify – restructure, get rid of “you” voice     “You” voice – see Copy Sins

Stop writing ads – just start writing-editing editing editing – maybe little more writing – absolutely more edits

You need a stronger argument than “we believe”   Change of intellectual level/vocabulary expectations

(Closing line/paragraph) Rewrite.  More visual active, end on high note     I keep thinking somehow, somewhere, we need to let them know it’s a $300 item - at least imply it isn’t cheap!

What unites them?  What do these very diverse emotional individuals have in common besides finances?  Anything?    PUSH – IS THIS KAMIKAZE?/ WHERE IS IT REFLECTED IN CONCEPT/CW?

This is important, but is treated by structure as minor    Yawn!    Weak.    Not a visual verb.

Rethink this – just don’t rethink 2 hard.  If you want to spoof, you must lst know the source – what’s your Key Fact?  Is it Kamikaze?  Cool.    Grammar or typo?    Very, very close.  What can you do to push it over the top?

BO-RING  Too many Copy Sins, tone changers – what?  You skip my class 1Q and forget all I taught?

HEDGED   More visual.  No repeated words.    Copy Sin – Change structure   [Not KKF] Prospect def.  Prospect def.

Wasted words.  Translate the thought, not the words.    Break up.  Simplify.   Stop trying to write ads and just write.

1.  Stop overwriting.  2.  Stop writing ads.  3.  Write. Jump right in.  4. (and)  NO! WARNING YOU’VE NOT DONE A PROPER EDIT AND MISSED THIS 99.5% SIGN OF A RUN-ON! 

SEGUE    Way too complex structure – simplify    Logic problem    Let down ending   Try reversing order. 

What do you think?     Y is this a benefit?  Promise is a benefit -  Inner commonalities tying the emotional cord   

APPITITE APPEAL=ZERO    Very nice.  Very nice.    Good start  PUSH    Copy Sins     Stop writing ad – say it!    

Yawn! Need stronger close!  (Competitive Information) a little more detail, a lot more comparison    I don’t believe this one.

Where were you when we did this in class?    Lazy structure.  Push yourself.  Good.  Good.  Cliché. Push.

The idea of style isn’t nec 2 parody – it’s to use it as a way in to a potentially resistant prospect

Cut the BS, just get 2 it    Smooth out, it’ll work.  BLAH.    Great.  Work on it.  Nice. Nice. Good!    Not so personal – bigger picture  

You haven’t wowed me yet.  Put all that cultural literacy and just plain literacy 2 use.  You’re the only one who can make it happen.

Dismissive (of product)  DUH!  CLICHÉ!  Too generic    Wasted word.   In and out of tone   

Not true – some do.  Use structure to increase the power of copy.  Too much bad taste, not enough information, humor.

You can do better than this.  Less time w/giving me extra work, more time nailing this as you should have done last time!

(Fortunately at beginning of line) Copy Sin.  Reverse.  Shorten!  You used same structural device in all – and it’s not that great a device

Cut out 25%-35% of words.  Mix up your devices.  Give me more…    Trying too hard – overkill

PUSH.   YAWN.    Your point?    Clichéd device    Yech.  Blah.  What?  Weak!    Copy Sin of highest order (that)  

Blah blah blah – just jump into it    Know where you’re going, but never got there  NO! NEVER! Blah!

RU married to this hedge?  Adds nothing, takes away plenty (tend to)    AWK STRUCTURE.  COPY SIN.  NO STRUCTURE.  COPY SIN. CLICHÉ.  COPY SIN.  COPY SIN. Tone change from informed to stupid

I see where you’re trying 2 go w/this, but lazy editing, clichés and copy sins from someone who knows better wastes my time.  Edit them out.  Resubmit, make them sound like you care.

Off brand voice – too feminine    Expected – push!    Even your tone    This is too generic.  What r u selling?

No, the only thing to prove is 2 yourself.  Pump up, more important, personal, passionate.

Good thought, but just stuck it in the end.    Good line but long way from last mention     Redundant. Tired old ad device. 

This starts a totally different discussion – y not get rid of front, start here?    Good line but long way from last mention

Breaking up run-ons creates emphasis    Break into 2 parts – write it as conversation, not lecture

Blah!    Redundant. Tired old ad device.    This starts a totally different discussion – y not get rid of front, start here?

Breaking up run-ons creates emphasis   Break into 2 parts – write it as conversation, not lecture

You love to complicate your structure – simplify it instead.    Fab-u-lous!

Start by jumping into it, don’t worry about introductions and working up to it.  Hit it right out of the chute.

Good.  Some/same problems w/structure and overwriting.  The strongest ideas are the simplest.  Same goes w/copy.  Think of it as a conversation between you and your prospect.  Add a little warmth, so I’m not surprised by the sweetness, pain of your last, very powerful, line.

Stronger word.  Excessive “ands” Tone changes    R U writing text or ad?    Integrate product more

This is all over the place. 

1.  KCWP   2. What do you want to say?  Say it.  3. Edit extraneous or limit 2 one line. 4.  Killer wrap     Don’t be discouraged by all the notes – you’ll get there.    Not enough product.

Unexpected and original direction – nice!    [Kamikaze Key Fact]:  this is really a Prospect Definition.

See any commonly pulled  threads?  I see a few biggies:

1.  Integrating the product into the copy, using a specific style or not
2. Difference between KKF and Prospect Definition
3. Structure, order, Copy Sins, Wasted words
4. Weak closing lines, Run-ons, Redundancies
5. Inabiity to maintain a constant tone, whether writing in specific style or not

There are more, but these last five, expressed in many ways in the bigger list of comments, are the ones I most wish Santa would remove from the student copywriters’ bag of bad habits and misconceptions.  This doesn’t begin to address the continuing problem of Kamikaze Creative Work Plan aversion/ misunderstandings.  About as big as it gets in my book.

That said, I wrote a secret message in this blog text for my students.  Homework for the live classes on the 14^th & 15^th (will be at Creative Circus, in Atlanta – give me shout if you’d like to meet, join one of the sessions, take me to the Ritz for lunch) will be to find it, put it together, honestly put down the numbers of times you had to read this to find it (all).  First person to get it write and list it in the Comments gets a gold star, maybe something more useful if I can think of anything (an (extra) hour of copy/concept help?).  Hmmm….maybe it’s time to check out all those strangely appealing stores on Cheshire Bridge…!

(YES, I know there are more than 20 remarks.  Creative license – considered counting for the correct number, but some repeat, some appear in different forms, some just are.)

As always, ©2013, Doreen Dvorin/Kamikaze Creative