Just when you think it's safe to get a job...

I’m in the mood to dish up some advertising reality.  Besides Copy Sins and Creative Strategy, I get more feedback (and “thanks for saving my skins”) from former students on my hints for a happier, healthier adlife than anything else.  While I was teaching at the Circus, I put them together as the Kamikaze Creative Occupational Safety Rules.  While I doubt OSHA would be interested, I guarantee they can save your butt. 

There are close to a hundred, but here are some I hope you’ll find worthy.  If they seem obvious to you, give yourself a pat on the back.  If they seem revolutionary, maybe you should pay more attention to reality before you get your first job in Advertising (or anything else).  (Note:  I kept the original numbers, just to mess with you.)

Kamikaze Creative Occupational Safety

1.    Do not burn your ADs, CDs, AEs or CWs behind you.  No matter how big you think it is, ours is a small, incestuous business.  You will work with that person (that person’s spouse, mentor, best friend, ex-partner, etc.) again.  (I freelanced with a CW I in MA who was my Copy Chief in TX.  Worked with an AE in TX who became my partner in Atlanta.  Ran into a guy I met at a NYC ad party at the Albuquerque, NM VW dealer.  An Account Supervisor from Houston, working for an agency in Wisconsin, hired me for freelance in Atlanta.  Ask around – you’ll be amazed.)

4.  If your boss/partner/AE/whomever is having a good day, make it better.  If you cannot make it better, do NOT make it worse.  (When possible, I choose nondescript, run of the mill days to deliver bad news.  Remember – some people prefer to kill the messenger.

14.  Learn what’s expected.  Do it.

25.  If you have nothing to do and everyone else is busy, do not ask for a raise.

27.  Practice keeping your door closed whether you need it closed or not.  If you don’t, and all of a sudden you close it, people will assume you’re working on your book, talking to a headhunter or sleeping with someone you shouldn’t be.  If your office has the “open” (cubby) system, practice making phone calls from the conference room and/or asking someone with a door if you can make a call to ___your doctor/relative/lawyer/friend with problems/bank of your choice___.

29.  Never try to win an argument with “When I worked at ______” unless you’re prepared to go back there.  Soon.

30.   Know when Mercury is Retrograde and use it to your advantage.

44.  Treat support people and their departments with Respect.  The Agency System dumps enough on traffic, admin, production, IT and media.  With very little relative remuneration.  Treating them as the true professionals they are is a strong signal to everyone you’re a professional.  It may also find you a job later.

50.  The truth is the best lie.  Tell it often.

52.  If you’re unhappy, do not moan groan complain to everyone/anyone who will listen.  Even if you’re just letting off steam, people love to tell whoever you’re moaning groaning complaining about.

56.  If someone steals your ideas, don’t go running to the CD about it.  Many more will be more annoyed with your whining than they’ll ever be at concept theft.

57.  Besides, if it’s that great of an idea, it’ll be way better than the thief’s usual work.  Let the CD figure it out for him/herself.  They like that.

62.  Don’t go to work stoned.  The Sixties (and Seventies) are gone.  In a business riddled with stoners of all kinds, everyone will know.  Even if nobody says a word, after all those Republican administrations it changes how people think about you.  (Instead of Wow! We’re going to get some great creative today! people think he/she’s not gonna get anything done.)   Nobody buys that old “allergy eyes” line – it’ll catch up with you when you least want it to.  Even worse, when you’re running on Idea Empty, and can’t get away for a toot (snort, swallow, whatever), you’ll question your ability to come up with anything.  Bummer, man.

66.  You will work with someone who fired/laid you off again.  Learn to laugh about it.

69.  If you do take a job “for the money” – or if your current employer keeps you there with killer raises and extravagant bonus’ – DO NOT LIVE ABOVE – OR EVEN UP TO – YOUR SALARY.  If you do, you may not be able to take a “better” job.  I know many, many creatives caught in that trap.  Why do you think really talented folks work on ideas like “Don’t Squeeze the Charmin?”

71.  Whatever the reason you left your last job(s), don’t dwell on it. Sometimes it’s personal, sometimes it’s professional.  It’s always a Fact of Ad Life.  Don’t elaborate or fabricate.  Telling an agency recruiter you left because The CD Is an asshole is not as professional as saying it was time to move on.

Think these are stupid?  Want to add something?  Let me know.   Did knowing one of these save your rear?  Love to know that, too.  Keep in mind these are only a few from my list, which only scratches the surface of all the ad reality you’ll soon be able to tell me about.

PS - Sorry about the formatting problem.  Not enough time to solve it.  D.